Army Wife

Never in a million years did I think I'd be an "army wife".  I grew up with my father in the air force, but we were always together as a family.  My dad had maybe a couple of TDY's, but nothing significant.  I don't feel like I have that same pride as other women do being a "soldiers wife" and all.  I don't want my husband in the Army.  I don't support the war, nor do I think it's admirable for our men to be over there fighting.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not some vietnam era hippie who thinks it's appropriate to spit on soldiers or anything.  I do recognize that they sacrifice a lot when they are forced to go over there, but they are machines and do and think what the military tells them.

Right now, Marshall has to make one of the hardest decisions of his life.  It's even a hard decision for me.  Does he follow his "soldier" being and do as he's "supposed" to, which, by the way includes quite a bit of money or does he stay home with his wife, daughter and soon to be baby.  He's extended for a year, which is up in July, but that doesn't cover the whole deployment.  So in order to go, according to a Commander, he would have to extend again.  So ultimately, the choice is in his hands.

I am trying to be as supportive as I can be as a wife.  I know no matter what, we will be good.  Our marriage will be fine, our baby will be fine.  But the truth is, I really like him.  I like him around.  I thoroughly enjoy his company.  He's my partner, so I'd really rather not be without him for any extended period of time.  Plus, this is the pregnancy and birth of his first child, something he said he's waited for his whole life.  You can't get back that time, those memories.

If he goes, the money almost seems worth it.  BAH would completely cover the house payment and I'm pretty sure we could get all of our individual and married debts paid off.  We'd have money to start and even complete some much needed renovations to this house.  Those are tempting thoughts.

My heart and I know his too, would be much happier if he chooses the first choice.  We would be financially stable and I could learn to deal with the second choice.    

My honest, deep down feelings and beliefs tell me he should stay and trust in the Universe or God or whatever it is you believe in to keep us comfortable and bring us abundance.  It's just making that leap, jumping in feet first all the way.  I just don't want to pressure or guilt him into any decision he's going to regret later.  This isn't only a matter of not going, but possibly closing the door on his whole military career.  He's given 10 years of his life to the Army.  It has provided him money for school and opportunities.  Hell, him being in the Army is the only reason we ever met.  I understand his dilemma.

He's gone for training until the end of the month, so we may not have an answer to this great debate until then.  I guarantee I will have more feelings about this in the near future....

until then.